I have survived so many things in the last month. It’s been tough. I deserve like twelve medals. Here are just a few of the situations I’ve handled like a boss:
- Cut open four avocados without hurting myself. That’s a lie. I cut open one and then Dave said, “What are you doing? Give me that.”
- Stood shoulder to shoulder with over 500,000 people. Me. And all those other people. Together. I didn’t get trampled or kidnapped.
- Safely exited my train station after some crazy guy with a knife was apprehended by the police. That sounds a little more dramatic than my actual experience, which basically involved getting stuck in the metro tunnel. But that poses it’s own dangers, so I think it warrants a mention.
- Managed to read the news and keep functioning mostly like an adult.
- Fell down the stairs at work. Ok, one stair. That’s why I survived.
- Managed an anxiety-induced heart attack. It might not have been an actual heart attack, but don’t tell my body that. It knows the truth.
- Escaped a sinking Titanic. Yes, it was a professionally staged event. Yes, I paid for the experience. But there were old-timey clothes and a vintage candlestick phone, so I think it’s possible the rising waters were also real.
- Got my face drilled into by a madman (or my kind, old dentist—depends who you ask).
- Ate so many jelly beans that it started to feel like my head was detaching from the rest of my body.
There are probably way more things I could include, but I think the list is still pretty commendable. I’m hoping I can meet the challenges of this next month with the same strength and fortitude.