Mild Humiliation


I’m in a strange mood today. I think my brain is a little lopsided because I’m getting sick. I thought I would come here and write about taking care of yourself or eating tacos or hugging tiny monkeys, but instead I just wrote down a few embarrassing moments in my life. Then I decided that everyone likes reading about other people’s humiliation, so here they are.

  1. I couldn’t remember the word for the openings in my nose and so I called them nose holes. The word nostril has never again been uttered in my home.
  2. My parents threw me a sixteenth birthday party in my backyard. A bunch of friends came to celebrate and the party went late into the night. At one point, I went to go talk to some guys hanging out on my hammock. I thought to myself, “I’ll run over, thereby accomplishing two things—looking cool and getting there quicker.” I immediately tripped over the rope holding up the hammock and fell on my face. I accomplished neither of my goals.
  3. I was walking down the street and jumped back a foot, grabbing Dave’s arm. I was scared by a falling leaf. I said, “I thought it was a butterfly.”

Probably you guys also have embarrassing moments that are ridiculous enough to make us laugh but not so horrifying that you bury them inside forever. You should share them in the comments section, so we can create a community of slightly-embarrassed but awesome people. It will be fun, I swear!

6 thoughts on “Mild Humiliation

  1. I have so many embarrassing stories I feel I simply forget them. The best embarrassing stories of mine are when I’m sleep-walking. I tend to sleep-talk and walk more frequently than I would like to admit, luckly Ive never eaten the whole fridge or ended up outside, until now.
    The other night I woke up standing in the back doorway staring outside, yelling for my dog, Banjo. When I “wake up” I’m not actually woken up, I can just see, but I’m still in my dream. So in my dream my dog needed to go outside and would not come back in, which is unlike him. So I’m yelling “Banjo!”. He won’t come. I go and get my coat, run around in my backyard (remember it’s 2am maybe and I’m sleep walking, barefoot, in my underwear and a giant unzipped coat). I don’t find my dog, I run inside to wake up my finace because we have to go find Banjo, and Banjo is sleeping in our bed, staring at me confused. He could have at least got out of bed to tell me he was okay! But who knows maybe I was just running around without yelling, I would have no idea, I was asleep. I live a dangerous sleeping life.

    1. I think we should hire someone to rig up a serious laser system to keep you in your bedroom at night. Or maybe just get a better lock on your door. Either way, I’m with Banjo- the only place to be at 2am is bed.

  2. I do something mildly embarrassing literally every week.

    Earlier today I was in a meeting with a client and one other colleague, with my computer screen hooked up so everyone could see it (already a very dangerous thing). Anyways, we were doing some future content planning — and I pulled up a calendar for February and went straight to Saturday, February 6th and just wrote:

    “Superbowl Saturday”

    as if it were the most normal thing in the world, as if “Superbowl Sunday” was just not a thing.

    Also relevant to today, I have gotten enough dental work that I have just grown accustomed to scheduling client meetings after getting face-numbing dental work done… and have definitely drooled in meetings because of it. It’s so commonplace for me that on a conference call with 15 other people on Monday I said “Oh, well, that will be right after my dentist’s appointment, but I’ve drooled through enough meetings in my life – what’s one more?”

    1. I think that means you’re super tough, because you don’t let a little thing like someone drilling into your face hold you back.

  3. I once got off a city bus, and as I was taking the last step out, I threw my hand back and waved goodbye at the driver just as he was closing the doors… ummm… on my arm. The bus started moving, with my arm in it. I used my other arm to frantically knock on the doors as I was now keeping up with the slowly accelerating bus. The driver stopped, asked if I was okay… I said I was fine (couldn’t wait for him to leave fast enough, I was so mortified). He took off, and I bent over and laughed out loud in embarrassment. Can you believe he stopped the bus again, backed it up to make sure I wasn’t screaming in pain, because he heard me. OMG… it was memorable that’s for sure. Two lessons that day: Don’t wave goodbye to your bus driver… and don’t laugh too loudly at yourself in public.

Leave a comment. Just try it. It will be fun, I swear.