Kale War


My neighbors hate my garden. It’s not really a garden anymore, since everything is dead. But even when it was alive and happy, they hated it. My upstairs neighbor, we’ll call him Huge Jerk, threatened to fine me because my plants were on the grass next to my patio. He took photographs and sent them to the board. He’s very passionate about rogue tomato plants.

I think he’s colluding with the landscapers because I came home last week and all my lettuce had been weeded. It was in a planter. It looked like lettuce. And now it is gone, roots and all.

I’m deciding how I should handle this treacherous neighbor situation. First of all, my garden is now dead, so any reasonable person would say the point is moot and move on. Second of all, I have a problem letting things go. I have a few ideas about my next move:

  1. Line up all my dead plants in front my neighbor’s door.
  2. Write a snarky but direct letter about how my plants are none of his damn business.
  3. Invest a lot of time and energy into creating the most beautiful garden in the neighborhood to really put it to him.

Not mentioned: choice number 4—become an adult and move on.

Leave a comment. Just try it. It will be fun, I swear.