This is Halloween


I’m so excited for Halloween. It’s my mom’s favorite holiday, so it was always super fun at home. We had boxes and boxes of costumes (separate from our regular, everyday costumes), and my mom was always trying to convince one of us to be a wacky tourist. We denied the request every year.

My parents made most of our costumes, often by putting together things that we’d collected and then creating some final piece—like a hand-me-down bunny costume with a homemade Energizer drum. One year, though, they brought home a pirate costume. I can’t remember how we got it, but it definitely came from a store, so it was automatically fancy. I wore that outfit in every possible costume-necessary situation until I outgrew it and the fake parrot lost all its feathers.

Last year, my mom finally convinced my dad, after decades of cajoling, to attend a Halloween party as a pair of eccentric Disney visitors.

Fourty Seven Steps to Pro


We play soccer on a rec league at a local high school one day a week. Dave has been playing since he could walk and I learned as an adult, with him as my coach. So Dave is really excellent and I use it as an excuse to workout.

When he was teaching me, I was mostly playing defense. He told me I need to either go for the man or go for the ball. Since I’m afraid of the ball, I usually go for the man. This creates pretty comical but awesome situations in which I takedown giant guys on the field. One time, I literally bear-hug-tackled this huge dude to the ground.

Meanwhile, I’m working through my ball fear. On Thursday, I took down a ball from the air, stopped a few clutch offensive passes, and completed an almost-assist. Pretty soon, I’ll be taking Abby Wambach’s place.

Space Woman


I still can’t breath and I’m wondering how important it really is. I’m considering going to space because apparently I can function on half the oxygen that a normal human needs. If function means just barely getting from my desk to the bathroom, clutching my chest dramatically and clawing the walls on the way there.

Also, I know there is no oxygen in space, so lay off.

Skeleton Diaries


Today I learned that we should all be thankful for our ribcages. We’re walking, they’re working. We’re eating, they’re working. We’re sleeping, they’re working. Apparently, mine got tired of all this relentless exertion and decided to boycott by doing a half-assed job and sending pain through my chest.

In case you’re reading this, ribcage, I appreciate you. You can go back to tirelessly supporting my respiratory system now.

My Party Trick


When people won’t stop talking about how great they are, I start playing this little game where I bring them down a few notches with a smile on my face.

I got to practice my technique over the weekend, but this guy’s arrogance was strong. So strong that he didn’t realize I was doing it, which is often the case with these kinds of people. Didn’t matter though, it gave us all a break from listening to him talk about the poem he had published years ago in a literary journal.

No, Thank You


It’s Sunday, so it’s Walking Dead day. Usually, nothing brings me more joy than watching my zombie-fighting tv friends tackle the challenges of their destructive world. But not tonight. If you watch Walking Dead and haven’t seen this episode, stop reading now. I know that warning is unnecessary, because no reads this but my mom and my husband.

I can’t handle what happened tonight. I’m in denial. I’m hoping that the show will play some kind of Jon Snow trick on us (clearly I’m also hoping for a Jon Snow trick for Jon Snow). My heart is broken for Glenn. He was a character that was full of good and hope and forgiveness. He literally found love in an apocalypse. He saved people that didn’t really deserve to be saved. He was a pizza-toting nerd when we first met him and, lest that make us think he was weak, he was a total badass. He handled the havoc in a way that few other characters have been able to do, with the emotional strength to both recognize the horror and move on with what needed to be done.

Half of me wants to tentatively believe the theorists saying it was Nicholas’ guts spewing all over and that Glenn will climb under the dumpster and wait it out. It doesn’t seem like Glenn would go in any way other than a heart-wrenching sacrifice. The other half of me knows that Walking Dead doesn’t usually play these tricks on its viewers. People die every episode and eventually the characters we love will die too. That half can’t handle processing this death twice, so it’s protecting itself by not committing.

Not so Sweet Dreams


Last night I had a dream that a man was knocking on my door. I peeked out the window and didn’t recognize the person, but I started to turn the knob anyway. Dave also looked out and, just as I’d started opening the door, he said, “Wait! That’s the guy that beat me up.” But it was too late. The guy pushed through the door and came at me. He was really fast, faster that I could actually see. And then he was attacking me, punching and pushing. It was scary, and I woke up with a start, before I knew how it all ended.

I’ve been having lots of bad dreams lately. I always have a smattering of them, but they’ve been much more frequent this past week. Usually that means something is stressing me out. I think I know what it is, so I guess that means I should know what to do about it. First step, sleep better.

Great Scott!


Yesterday was Back to the Future day. I was an adult when I first watched the movie, so I have a different perspective on it than most people my age. I still really appreciated the fashion choices, cool catch phrases, and themed restaurants. Everyone is comparing our reality to Back to the Future’s expectations and I’m also everyone! So here’s my opinion on some of those great predictions:

  1. Flying cars and hoverboards- I am definitely on the side of hoverboards. I think that flying cars would generally be pretty cool, but I don’t really get the point. Would people be flying everywhere? If not, wouldn’t we just have traffic jams in the air? Would there be crashes in the sky? Would we constantly be ducking debris? Hoverboards, however, seem to be a “harm the hover-er only” situation in the case of disasters. They also seem to function relatively low to ground, which is my style.
  2. Dehydrated food- As a kid, I always wanted to try that astronaut ice cream. I thought it would taste like cotton candy. I haven’t tried it, so the jury’s still out for me on this one.
  3. Computer-generated celebrities- Tupac’s hologram. That is all.
  4. Video chat, thumbprint-recognizing keypads, and drone cameras- Yes, yes, and yes. So much reality in there that it’s not even worth discussing.

So here’s what I learned from going through those predictions. I hate traffic, am afraid of falling from great heights, and was a deprived child without access to astronaut food.