Not My Answer

Our new executive office has proposed budget cuts that will limit or remove various social and educational programs. Don’t worry, though, it’s just the unimportant stuff like feeding people, providing safe learning environments, and supporting scientific research. I could write a long post about why that is a step backward and an inappropriate distribution of our funds, but other people have done that more thoughtfully, in a more carefully researched manner, than I can do right now. I’m going to just talk about one little part of this conversation.

When asked by the press how the administration came to these decisions, the White House budget director said each change was rooted in the answer to the question, “Can we ask the taxpayer to pay for this?”

The question is reasonable. I can respect a reflection on whether government spending answers the needs of the populous. The problem is the answer. This office decided no. No to food assistance programs. No to public television. No to arts education. No to scientific research programs. No to public transportation support. No to early-childhood education.

I wish they would have asked this taxpayer whether I would pay for these programs, because my answer is a resounding yes. Yes, I am happy to pay to feed people who are hungry. Yes, I’d be glad to fund an after-school arts program for kids. Yes, I want to my money to support the education of low-income and special needs toddlers. Yes, I am very ok with paying to heat homes for people who would otherwise be cold.

I don’t need a stranger to speak for me, to claim to know what I think is best—distorting my thoughts to match their agenda. I have a perfectly functional voice, and I plan to use it.

Found Girls

In 1979, China instituted a one-child policy, meaning that every family was allowed to have just one kid. Because of deeply-rooted stereotypes and traditions, a lot of families wanted a boy instead of a girl. This was terrible for a bunch of reasons, like gender-based abortions and infanticide, and it also created a crazy gender imbalance in society.

Social scientists have long asserted that tens of millions of girls had gone “missing”—as in, disappeared from the population—between 1980 and 2010. They compared the expected number of girls and women against those currently registered. And, it’s true, millions of girls that would naturally have existed do not.

However, some other scientists from Cambridge started studying this phenomenon, and they discovered that huge numbers of these “missing girls,” especially those in rural regions, actually just went unreported. They suspect that between 1990 and 2010 around 11 million girls were hidden from the government. Now, I’m not particularly well-versed in Chinese politics, but I’m pretty sure these Cambridge scientists didn’t really discover this situation. I’d guess there were communities around the country who supported families hiding these girls. I can’t image that 11 million girls were hiding in plain sight without anyone knowing about it. But let’s set that false notion of discovery aside for a moment.

The best part of this story is that there are millions of girls who have hidden under the government’s radar but are now out and about, doing things. Probably awesome things. Maybe also just regular things like reading books or riding bicycles, but those are great too.

Now imagine that these girls, these young women, have taken note of the system that claimed they were lesser than their brothers. With a quiet rebellion in their blood, they might become leaders and teachers and mothers and scientists, set to prove the world wrong. Maybe they’ll start a tiny movement of “found girls” just to spread the truth—the truth that they are worth just as much as anyone else.

Really, though, they could do none of that and still be amazing. For these girls, just living is an act of defiance and revolt. The rest of us have some catching up to do.

 

 

Red Rover, Red Rover

Today is International Women’s Day. What’s not to love about that? Global mindset: check. Women-focused: check. Only a one day commitment: check.

Some of you are taking the day off to demonstrate that women are important to the world. We are. It’s good to show people. But let’s recognize that this single-day protest is one of privilege. It’s ok for the privileged to stand up; in fact, it’s necessary. The route for all of us is smoother when someone has already laid out the safety lines. But it’s also necessary to recognize that privilege, whatever it is for you. Many of feminism’s failings have been rooted in exclusion—a refusal to include those who live even slightly outside the bounds of the leaders of whatever particular wave was crashing at the moment. And it has long been a tool of oppressor to separate the oppressed, shouting our differences so loudly and so frequently that we begin to believe they take precedent over what joins us.

Well, joke’s on them, because our power is in our breadth. If exclusion is our poison, then inclusion is the antidote. The wider we spread, the more we open our doors, the stronger we become. Feminism is for everyone.

So, good for those of you who are taking time off today. It’s useful to take a stand when you can. But good for those of you who are working too, whether it’s because you have no other option or because you think you contribute best by showing off your hustle. We need each and every one of you.

This whole feminism thing is basically like Red Rover in the school yard. You need to link arms with the person next to you. It doesn’t matter who she is. Pull her in tight. If you refuse to grab her arm, you leave a hole in the wall and we will all pay the price. We are the barrier between those obnoxious fourth grade bullies and everything we’re meant to protect.

Red rover, red rover, send the patriarchy right over.

Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid

Someone out there is trying to tell us the press is our enemy. He’s been spreading lies about how they’re our greatest threat and how we must defend ourselves against these horrendous, conniving nerds with notepads and laptops. This person has clearly lived a life of privilege, because there are a whole bunch of things I’m way more afraid of than the New York Times.

Here’s a short list:

  1. long lines
  2. peeling potatoes
  3. tight pants and buffets
  4. commercials where babies talk
  5. trying to close a pocket knife
  6. earwigs
  7. leaning on a railing
  8. over-plucking my eyebrows
  9. making uncomfortable small talk
  10. invisible mold

I could keep going, but I’ve worked myself into a frenzy of fear just thinking about this list. I’m going to go read a trustworthy news site to calm myself. I suggest you do the same.

Walk > Talk

I know most of us don’t want to listen to our current president’s statements. I don’t click on the videos that pop up on my feed because his voice makes me cringe. I’m not accustomed to finding any space in my life for people that serve only to make it worse. Plus, when I hear one of his interviews, a tiny tornado starts to whirl inside me. After that, I can’t be responsible for what happens. Tornados are hard to control.

To keep from going into a wild fury or collapsing into a little heap on the floor, I avoid it entirely. It’s not the most socially or politically responsible act, but it’s the arrangement I’ve made for myself right now.

The bright side of this disaster is that terrible people make great examples for what not to do in life. Today’s lesson: what you say means nothing if you do the opposite. For example, side-stepping into a near-repudiation of recent hate crimes means even less when you’re being coached by the founder of a media group that spreads and supports hate, misogyny, and neo-Nazi politics.

The need for an actual, substantial response against these crimes is real and urgent. Anti-Semitism has been on the rise in the United States. Or, at least, outright and reported acts of hate and violence have been on the rise. Incidents on college campuses nearly doubled in 2015, hate-mongers and neo-Nazis have found strongholds online and are stepping out from behind their computer screens, and there have been 69 bomb threats at Jewish Community Centers in the past two months.

This isn’t a new problem. Hating Jews is old hat. They keep on coming and we keep on surviving. And then celebrating that survival by eating a lot of carbs. It’s not a perfect cycle, but it’s got us where we are today. Today, though, is turning out to be not so great. What had been forced to quiet down for a bit is screaming again, and it’s making those of us getting yelled at a little comfortable. In times like this, it’s nice to have a leader who says, “Lock it up, haters. Chill out on the conspiracy theories and calls for mass murder.”

We don’t have that, but he did once utter that anti-Semitism is horrible, so let’s—for just a moment—pretend our fearful leader is consistently saying those things. It would still mean pretty much nothing. If you tell me you’re a vegetarian while chomping down on a cheeseburger, I won’t believe you. If you say you can read Mandarin, but you won’t translate anything for me, I’m going to be skeptical. And if you tell me you condemn hate and violence while bolstering and endorsing people who promote hate and violence, I won’t believe you either.

Basically, talk is cheap. Cheap like a bad toupee or a gold-plated toilet seat.

 

Subtle Ways to Spit in the Face of the Patriarchy

It’s important to make bold moves in the battle against inequality, but we can’t always run full-speed ahead into the front lines. Wrestling with deeply ingrained ignorance and misogyny can be exhausting. I mean, sometimes just getting out of bed and putting on pants is exhausting. We need to take a moment every once in a while to rest up for the next drive.

Unfortunately, the patriarchy doesn’t take breaks. It’s fed by the confidence of mediocre men, so there’s no shortage of fuel. To stay vigilant, we have to find ways to keep it in check even when we feel drained. As a public service, I’ve started a list of easy acts we can take to fight the man. No battle gear required. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

  1. Keep talking when you get interrupted.
  2. Order the pasta on a first date and actually finish it.
  3. Pull a Hillary and ditch the make-up.
  4. Don’t move out of the way when a man walks into you on the sidewalk.
  5. Politely ask a man to close his legs on the train.
  6. Stop being embarrassed when someone sees your very unshaven legs.
  7. Wear flat shoes to fancy events.
  8. Rename your virtual assistant, so it answers to Alfred instead of Alexa.
  9. Learn the names of five female scientists and tell people about them.
  10. Give a woman you love a compliment that has nothing to do with the way she looks.

Too Real

Last night my favorite zombie-related program came back. And oh was it great. My Walking Dead friends finally came together to start their journey against evil. It felt really appropriate for this moment in all our lives.

The group had been separated, both physically and emotionally, by some serious trauma. Things have not been good. A really terrible leader took over the land by intimidating a communities and making them think he was their only option for survival. Also by killing a bunch of people weaker than him. He’s putting everyone the group cares about at risk and destroying the relative progress they were achieving. It’s been a disaster and it felt kinda hopeless for awhile. Also maybe a little like real life. Or a lot like real life.

But now they’re back together and getting stronger—hopefully strong enough to take down the self-righteous, violence-prone current head honcho. Cause he’s got to go.

The episode was a great reminder that if we connect with the awesome people we love, we can battle evil—and we will probably win. It might get a little gross, what with all the stray rotting arms and legs flying through the air, but it will be worth it. If we look something terrible in the face, if we don’t ignore the horrors, and if we decide to actually do something about it, we can change the course of our lives for the better.

See, parents and teachers, we really can learn everything we need to know about life from TV.