We have new neighbors upstairs. They’re young and impassioned and in love. At least, I think they’re in love. They scream at one another a lot—loudly and with frequent curse words. I understand. Life is hard. Sometimes one of you gets stuck in traffic on the way home and the other forgets to defrost the chicken. I assume. I don’t eat chicken, but a lot of marital arguments in 90s sitcoms seemed to be centered around someone forgetting to defrost the chicken.
I actually have no idea why they’re fighting. I wish I did. Maybe I could send a message by homing pigeon to help. But, alas, I can’t understand what they’re saying. Maybe one of them is a huge jerk (possible spoiler: based on tone alone, it’s him). I can tell you one thing though. I’m not interested in coming along for their ride on this emotional rollercoaster. If I’m on a rollercoaster, it’d better have a catchier name than Generic Young Couple Upstairs. I prefer the Super Mega Dragon Death Spiral. (Note: When I asked Dave what a good name for a rollercoaster would be he said, “The Mantis Shrimp. It’s a small rollercoaster, but it packs a big punch.” Biology humor for the win.)
I’ve tried and tried to jump off this ride I’m currently strapped into with these new neighbors, but nothing seems to be working. Yesterday, as they started to scream at one another, Dave and I decided to take matters into our own hands. We put on a playlist of songs about young love and turned it up. We tried to cover a lot of ground, since we couldn’t tell what their problem was exactly. I thought maybe we would inspire them to really get in touch with the truth of their conflict and confront their real emotions.
It didn’t help. In the space between the changing songs, we heard them continue to yell. We thought maybe they couldn’t quite hear the lyrics. We’re nice and helpful, so we sang them extra loud. For awhile, we thought it was working. We could barely hear them screaming. I thought we’d inspired them to sit down and have a nice heart to heart. But then we stopped belting love songs at one another, turned the music down, and discovered we were wrong. We were just drowning them out with our excellent musical talents. It’s like they didn’t even care about us at all. Almost like they were so involved in their own drama, they weren’t thinking about anyone else around them.
You just can’t force love, I guess. Also, you can’t hurry love, no, you just have to wait.
Basically, love doesn’t appreciate being told what to do, so just leave it alone.