Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid

Someone out there is trying to tell us the press is our enemy. He’s been spreading lies about how they’re our greatest threat and how we must defend ourselves against these horrendous, conniving nerds with notepads and laptops. This person has clearly lived a life of privilege, because there are a whole bunch of things I’m way more afraid of than the New York Times.

Here’s a short list:

  1. long lines
  2. peeling potatoes
  3. tight pants and buffets
  4. commercials where babies talk
  5. trying to close a pocket knife
  6. earwigs
  7. leaning on a railing
  8. over-plucking my eyebrows
  9. making uncomfortable small talk
  10. invisible mold

I could keep going, but I’ve worked myself into a frenzy of fear just thinking about this list. I’m going to go read a trustworthy news site to calm myself. I suggest you do the same.

3 thoughts on “Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid

  1. Oh man. Trying to close a pocket knife is truly terrifying. Not as much as the current President, but pretty dang close.

    1. LOL I was going to comment on #5 also. Curiosity forces me to open the pocket knife (even though I swear that once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all) and then fear of accidentally stabbing myself overwhelms me and I feel like I have to close the knife STAT, though that also scares me because I know that if anyone could get that action wrong and slice open their finger in the process, it’d be me.

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