Muscles and Stuff


While I’m generally pretty fit, I’ve never been great at any kind of competitive athletic endeavor. I was on the swim team, but I never won a race. I was on the track team, but I was always at the back of the pack. I play rec soccer, but I’ve never scored a goal. I don’t fret about it, since I mostly just move my body to feel healthy, not to win a trophy. Because who cares about trophies. Not me. I don’t need that kind of outside validation. (But if someone has a trophy they don’t really need I could maybe take it off your hands and just hold it for a few minutes and take a photo or something. Whatever.)

I’ve accepted my complete lack of athletic achievement. I thought I’d just continue to live my life running very slowly behind Dave through the neighborhood without any recognition for my not-nearly-superior strength and endurance. Until I found the sport for me. I’ve never seen it done, but now I know it exists: South Korea’s Space Out Competition.

It was made for me. The contestants are supposed to sit in a park and stare into space. They aren’t allowed to do anything. They have to keep their heart rates stable and stay calm. They can’t check their phones or look at a watch. They have to just sit quietly and relax. I would be so good at this. I’m so good at sitting and not talking to anyone. I really excel at ignoring the people around me. In fact, I’m so great at ignoring people that just last week someone on the metro thought I was deaf. That’s how committed I am to this competition. You might as well call me Serena Williams, because I’m about to be a champion.

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