This week, Dave went out of town for work. I was left to my own devices and it went fairly well, since I’m still alive and have all my limbs. I made it to the office four out of five mornings and ate candy every day. I consider candy consumption to be a pretty decent measure of success, so I think I was on track. Although I got through the week without any totally life-altering disasters, no week goes by in my life without accumulating a list of minor to moderate mistakes. Here’s a sample from this week:
- Punched myself in the face while pulling on the sleeve of my shirt and bit my tongue
- Dropped a knife trying to cut carrots and just barely pulled my toe out of the way in time, narrowly avoiding dismemberment
- Determined that all technology has revolted against me after breaking my phone, losing my headphones, and nearly snapping my computer cord in half
- Gave an unsolicited opinion to a coworker before remembering that I should learn to keep my mouth shut
- And then did it again
- Almost burned down the house by leaving the burner on after I’d already removed my grilled cheese from the pan
Overall, I’d say my mistakes were relatively manageable, but that’s just because they were all almost-disasters instead of actual-disasters. Thankfully. And also because I was able to get a new phone since I live a life of glamour and privilege. Call me Beyonce.
Oh, and I watched that video of two brothers convincing their sister that a zombie apocalypse occurred while she was getting her wisdom teeth removed, and I decided the world is a wonderful, hilarious place. If you are in need of something to make you feel that way, watch it and then laugh until you cry. Don’t watch it at work if you have stodgy, boring coworkers who hate really loud giggling.