Drains, Dangers, and Fiery Deaths


I think the apocalypse is coming because there were firemen on my street corner this evening and my drain is backed up for no reason and there are helicopters circling around us. There’s also that whole super snowstorm rumbling up the coast thing, but this apocalypse is less about that. It’s mostly about the drain and helicopter situation.

Dave is just hanging out with our neighbors, gleefully attempting to resolve the drainpipe situation in a friendly and responsible manner, while I’m over here realizing the world is about to end. Acting like he doesn’t have a care in the world. Pretty soon, he won’t have a care in the world because there will be NO WORLD.

Wait, I don’t think an apocalypse necessarily means the world will dissolve into nothingness or explode into a million tiny pieces. It probably means that we’ll all just be set on fire or turn into fiery mutants or be eaten by fire monsters. Basically, it’s all about a fiery death and scorched earth. So I guess there will be some world, but it’s not gonna be a fun one.

I was excluded from the drainpipe resolving team because of my zest for quick solutions. In the investigatory stage, we learned that when our neighbor turned on her garbage disposal, it filled our sink. And vice versa. Her boyfriend suggested we turn them on at the same time and I immediately yelled, “Go big or go home!” through the wall and flipped the switch. The water overflowed into both of our laundry rooms. I was sent away.

I think they’re coming up with a game plan, but I’ve taken on the most important task—alerting everyone to the apocalyptic realities of the evening. Good luck out there, guys.

Leave a comment. Just try it. It will be fun, I swear.