I’m an independent woman. I like spending time alone and I won’t waste my limited emotional energy on people I don’t think are wonderful. I’m a feminist and I take care of business and I work hard to make things happen. Every day I do super grown-up things like eat vegetables and read books. Beyonce would be proud of me.
My fiercely independent self has been living all on my own for the last week. Dave has been in Istanbul having fun and learning how to be a better financial executive. I’ve been doing ok with the big picture stuff (in that I am still alive and functioning and being awesome), but I’ve run into a few tenuous situations. Really, I’ve been narrowly escaping death all week. It turns out, Dave’s a pretty important part of my life (and survival).
Here are some things that have gone down:
- Immediately needed my iPad and discovered it was dead. Spent 35 minutes looking for my charger, because I was under the impression these things charge themselves.
- Almost drove off the road while I was thinking too much about lonely tortoises.
- Was plagued by a gnat for four days. Followed it around every night in a way that didn’t look at all insane as it evaded my murderous plans.
- In an attempt to efficiently carry dishes to the sink, dropped a fork and stabbed a visible hole in my wood floor.
- Choked while drinking water. Thought for a while about how long it would take for someone to find my body.
- Slid off the couch because the cushion had fallen so far out of place it was no longer on the frame.
- Almost died in a dangerous gas-leak situation. There was no gas leak, but my anxiety about the circumstances gave me a heart attack.
- Slept wrapped in my blankets like a burrito because no one made the bed in over a week.
- Got out of bed with my alarm approximately zero times.
- Almost sliced my finger off trying to cut a sweet potato. Thankful no one was home to sharpen the knives.
So there a few things I’m not great at doing on my own. Even a self-reliant lady like myself needs someone to have her back. Beyonce has Jay Z and Jay Z has Beyonce. They also have at least a thousand employees. Luckily, my person will be returning home today. If I can make it to the airport without getting distracted by thoughts of elephants riding rollercoasters.